Love languages

There I was scrubbing the floor- a literal Cinderella moment- scrubbing on my hands & knees singing a song when the same thought that typically crosses my mind during such wifely actions crossed my mind once more, "Josh will love that everything is so clean!" With a smile & a hum I continue to scrub. Feeling proud- look at me- wife of the year over here. Earlier that morning I had ironed all of his button ups that I had just washed & hung them ever so neatly in his closet, on perfect display so that when he walked in his closet he was sure to think "That wife of mine is a good one!" However, the reality of it is- that ain't his love language, so as much as he appreciates my kind gestures, they don't necessarily make him feel loved. Say what?!?! I just pressed all your polos & scrubbed that spot that you so gently keep mentioning out of the bedroom floor- that is love, my dear! It dawns on me, that's not his language. To him that means - I'm great at my job of being wife. I took care of this stuff for him- but nowhere in my actions of Mrs. Cleaver-ness does he interpret love. The reason lies in a study we did years ago in Sunday School- The 5 Love Languages. 

Let me give you a super quick, Brooke style synopsis. Essentially there are 5 love languages that we all speak:  gifts, quality time, words of affirmation, acts of service, and physical touch. Whatever love language you speak is basically the way you give & feel love. 

SO- in our case my hubs is physical touch (all of you women are shocked I'm sure) - he loves to hold hands, digs backrubs, & feels loved & closest to me from acts of physical touch- now you see why laundry ain't his gig. I on the other hand am a combo (be honest, we women are complicated creatures- we typically can't keep it to just one language) I'm quality time & words of affirmation. Spend time looking into my eyes & debating my favorite topic & I'll love you forever. So even tho we both know ours & each other's languages that's not where it ends- in fact that's where it gets tricky! As humans we tend to shower those we love in a manner that we deem as a love reflection. Example: since I'm a quality time person, if I spend an hour spilling my heart to you, cutting off all distractions- I really love you- that is hard to come by for me, acquaintances get surface conversation, if you hear my heart you're in like Flynn! I may not hug you- but I love you from as deep down as it gets. For The hubs, if he pats your back in concern or hugs you during an intense conversation that's his way of saying- "I care & I'm here for you." 

My observation in marriage (I'm no doctor, just an observant soul- so take it with a grain, folks) is that we all too often forget about giving love in a manner that our partners really FEEL it. It's a cycle of sorts- if I'm not feeling loved I don't give love. If he's not feeling loved- he doesn't give love. Our tanks are empty & we then begin to look inward- selfishness at its best. We are, by nature, egotistical creatures. Humans as a race are self-centered by nature. We begin to point fingers, call names- we focus on what we aren't getting, where they went wrong- instead of considering that we ourselves were at the wheel during impact. We were as willing a participant in navigating our relationship as our partner. We could've calmly pulled out the map & decided to take another route. We could've decided to avoid it all by looking at where we were in relation to our spouse. Am I meeting him where he needs me? So often I overlook physical touch because it's not my forte- I love when Josh puts his hand on my lower back & leads me into a room- but if he doesn't I'm cool with that too. However, if  he unplugs, puts away his phone, his job & really talks to me- one on one- takes me to dinner, looks in my eyes & gives me attention- guess what? I feel appreciated & loved- I can't wait to hold his hand & put my arm around him. It's a two way street. 

My challenge to you is to look beyond yourself. Take a look at your spouse- look beyond the daily routine, the kids, the jobs, the bills, the schedule- what is his/her language? Are you speaking it? The study of the love languages is a MUST in my eyes. It's so important to give as much as we get. If you feel that your proverbial bucket is bone dry- try filling your partners bucket- giving will get you so much more than selfish ambition ever will. I'm not saying to give only to receive- but in this tilt-a-whirl of marriage, you get what you give- it's a circle that never ends. Try thinking outside your own interests...I promise- it'll give you a new perspective! 

Curious? Check it out here:

http://www.5lovelanguages.com