These Walls

5 years & 3 months ago we moved into our beautiful new home. I loved it! I picked out every last piece- from the wood slatted doors to the floor trim to the beveled edges on the walls...it was our new home. A place we had dreamt about building for years. From humble beginnings as newlyweds in a 900 sq ft home to this new gorgeous custom built home. It was fabulous. We were so proud. Right at 2,000 sq ft, beautiful molding around the windows & doors, custom cabinets, fireplace & mantel to my exact specifications, a playroom for two growing boys (then 1 & almost 4). Perfection. 

Fast forward a year and a half & I was suffocating in this once oasis. My 2 year old turned into a raging terrible two's with the blink of an eye. That sweet precious 5 year old missed the kindergarten cut off but lord knows I would've sent him if they would've let me. I was unraveling. And why? Well....all us moms have been there before, am I right?! All I knew is I had to get out! The 5 year old was already in a Mother's Day out program & mid semester I enrolled the two's monster at the same MDO-  and this girl? Well she got her a job! I went back to work- the work I love- the only work I've ever known- the profession I grew up emerged in as a child & the work that is a perfect fit for me. I have loved all of the people I have met- clients, co-workers, & bosses alike. 

Fast forward yet again. I'll set the stage: it's January 2013. The beginning of a new year & a new journey for the Allen's. Josh's job is taking off- what he's worked for & dreamed for is taking form & a firm reality. I was at the top of my profession (for me)- everything I wanted was right in front of me! I have more than fabulous clients & no room for new ones. The now 8 & 5 year old are calm, well behaved & just sweet as punkins! The first part of the year was quite rocky, ok downright rigid & nightmare-ish! But we all found our barings (really just me- read the last post- U'll get it) and the summer was shaping up. I was making plenty of cash that was quickly spent on trip after trip out of town, fun things for my friends & family (I enjoy buying things for people) & not a care in the world. But a seed had rooted itself somewhere along the way of this 5 year (& 3 months) journey. Somewhere between being joyful about a 2,000 sq ft home that others would dream of- I found myself growing greedy. I saw it in myself- like an ugly mirror image- one I'd grown all too comfortable with. No longer was I greatful for what was necessary, I wanted what was rightfully ours, after all this is what we've worked for right? Big houses...fancy cars...elaborate trips? WHAT THE HEY?!?! NO! STOP THE MADDNESS! Josh & I have found ourselves drooling over media rooms with theatre seating, drawing up hypothetical plans with a 3 or 4 car garage, & a man cave, oh & a salon for me, don't forget the enormous guest suite, & a pool, yes, a wine cellar is a necessity. I find glimpses of my old self every now & then. I see how bright her eyes were at the prospect of a nice 3 bedroom 2 bath home with a playroom & all the custom touches. How sad I am that I've forgotten her. I'm living her dream! & I'm not even looking around at what we have now! 

As of today I've decided I will no longer be running around frantic, frazzled, fried, & otherwise too tired & unengaged in my life to be impressed with what God has given us & just how far he's taken us. Those sweet boys- the 1 & almost 4 year old that moved into this home are now 6 & 9. A lot more brilliant & talented than I could've dreamt or imagined. & I will no longer take this life I have for granted. I will look up & another 5 years (oh yeah, & 3 months) will be gone before I can blink. As of today- I will be available for clients one weekend a month. The rest of my 25-29 days of each month will be spent smelling my children's hair, reading them books for a solid hour if they choose, scratching their backs, eating lunch with them in those super awkward cafeteria chair things, cooking them gourmet snacks if I choose, playing tag, & drawing very elaborate gardens on their backs (it's our thing). So if you see me in another 5.4 years, I pray I'll have a huge smile on my face as I hug my 11 & 14 year old. Because time is fleeting my friends, but memories, well memories last forever.